October 14, 2003

  • Acting's turning out to be a real blast.   The T.A.'s such a crack-up.  For his intro lecture, he went into what really goes on when an actor has stage fright.  He said it's really common for people to pee their pants; in fact, many talk show guests are advised to wear dark clothing so wet marks don't show, and they have to constantly clean or change the chairs.   Professional actors as well as talk and comedy show hosts have all sorts of cues to signal that somebody needs a bathroom break; a celebrity might start playing with his ear, for instance.   A good time to let the host know you've peed is during a hug when you can whisper in her ear.  On the same order, having to go number two really badly is frequently taken advantage of by directors to get the right pained expression.   One actor with whom teach was in a play with was gradually shitting his pants, but yelled at not to let go, to just keep wiping himself, cuz they didn't have the scene right yet.  So the guy reeked like a dirty diaper and had dried poo stuck all over his ass by the time rehearsal was over.   I suppose the stench also helps the other players achieve the proper reaction.   No wonder they call it "dress rehearsal."  What a job! 


    He also claimed they love behind-the-scenes affairs between romantic leads; the chemistry is sure to show up on the screen.  During this part of the lecture he zeroed in on me and Brett sitting intimately together.   "Any couples in the room?  I just might call on you later in the quarter to demonstrate a love scene before the class."   We blushed as everybody looked our way and giggled.   Dramatic arts is definitely not the field for marital faithfulness, never mind groupies.


    I told all this to my roommies and started another one of our infamous private jokes.   Lately, we keep hugging each other on the pretense of saying hello or goodbye, congratulating on a good test score, comforting over a bad day, or whatever excuse so we can suddenly wax serious and whisper, "Donna/Saj/Chelle/Brett: I've peed," then break out laughing.   It's enough to make you.....uh, um......