December 7, 2003

  • Between finals, the holidays, and everybody sick, it's been hard to write.  Just want y'all to know I'm still here.   Brett and I are dandy.   Saj is moving out, but being replaced by Thea (rhymes with "Lee"), a tall knock-out colored chick built like a Barbie Doll.  I mean, I've never seen a gal so fuckin' perfect.   Thea's done modeling for Victoria's Secret lingerie.  Halle Berry, look out!    She seems real nice, though.  (Donna:  "Better than that stuffy Liza turning her nose up at everything.   She really can't stand anyone around her boyfriend, you know; we might take him a-way!")    Thea brought over a video of a show on the supernatural she'd recorded over a porn flick.   Somehow the audio track didn't completely erase, and you could hear couples moaning and yelling "Yeah, fuck me!"  in the background of ghostly scenes.  We almost pissed out pants.


    She told us more of her R.F.'s.*   One apartment she lived in had this real fussy gay guy next door, not an early riser, whose bedroom shared a thin wall with their living room.   He was ever complaining about "the noise," knocking on their door at 11:30 at night, leaving outrageous threatening notes:   "I think you're an absolutely GREAT singer and should form your own band but what would the LANDLORD think of that?  Blah, blah, blah."   So, move your bed away from the wall!   No!   Each time they annoyed him, he'd toss and turn, making the bed creak and bang the wall.  Then he'd spring up and open and slam the front door.  The girls couldn't even carry on a decent discussion unless they went into the kitchen.   (Me:  "What about him and his lover, you know when they......?"   Thea:  "Do it up the ass?   That goes on in the shower, so all the shit washes down the drain.")   Since he kept such careful tabs on their activites, she and her roomies decided to fix him one night by waiting until he was asleep and drilling a bunch of holes through the wall next to his head with a power drill.   We're coming through!   (Not quite all the way.)   Meet your new neighbors, Big Bro!   The guy was so startled you could practically hear him hit the ceiling.   Her brother hangs only two bulbs over the front door every Xmas, one green and one red.   (Chelle:  "Like his balls."   Donna:  "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!  They flash!")  What a card!!!!!!!! 


    (I can't get this damn hair-product commercial off my mind.   The jingle keeps repeating in my head.    Woo, woooooo! Woo, WOOOOOO!   And the honky tonk piano goes around and around, just like the beauty game, girls, futile.   They must've dug that one up from the 1970's.   Depressing.)


    *Stands for "rat fuck," nasty practical jokes very popular in the dorms.